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September 12, 2017

I can’t see myself. I mean that when I do something the root motivation that comes from the spirit core is hidden from me. It may come from ‘self’ or it may come from spirit. The reality is that I just don’t know which. This is why I, like all of us, need a mirror. The mirror reflects us back to ourselves so we can see ourselves clearly. Obviously we don’t go around looking at a pane of reflective glass all day, at least I hope not, so what does this mean? The mirror I am referring to is other living beings. There is only one really clear and sharp mirror and He is the Living Son of the Almighty God, Jesus. The rest of us are mirrors that are not so clear, dull and dark depending on the level of ‘self’ in us.

As we went through our wilderness wanderings of homelessness we saw a great many people. It always surprised us when people who did not know us personally would accuse us of the most outrageous activities, crime and evil behavior. Even now I am struck in awe by how far the tongue went to discredit and try to destroy us simply because we were poor and without a home. It took a long time for Jesus to teach us through this but eventually He made it clear what was happening.

To begin we have to go back to my document, Overview of Body, Soul and Spirit, where I outline the parts that make up a human. As God showed it to me every person has a spiritual core inside of them that is hidden from their view. The spirit core was intended to be 100% given to God but way back in our past Adam let in the ‘self’ nature which comes from satan. Unfortunately, we now have a spirit part and an anti-spirit part, or ‘self’, in our spirit core. These two are at war with each other and are constantly fighting for control. ‘Self’, or anti-spirit, has the advantage of numbers and support from all the rest of humanity and the demons. Spirit relies entirely on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Each day we choose many, many times to feed and nurture either one or the other. One must live and one must die. If you follow God in faith you will understand that He is always looking to expose and destroy the ‘self’ nature, or anti-spirit, in you so your spirit can be free and prosper.

The ‘self’ nature does not like, or want, to be exposed. You see it lives in darkness and secrecy. The one who gave it to us, satan, was cast from the Father’s presence and lives in total darkness. God is Light, Jesus said as much in John 8:12, “Once more Jesus addressed the crowd. He said, I am the Light of the world. He who follows Me will not be walking in the dark, but will have the Light which is Life.” So satan lives now in total darkness, cut off from the Light of God, and everything that he touches is also in darkness. This is why ‘self’ loves to be hidden and stay secret in the dark. So spirit loves and lives in Light and ‘self’ lives in the dark.

As we walk with God, He can clearly see the level of ‘self’ and spirit in us because there is no darkness to Him. Unfortunately, we are blinded to the spiritual core within us. Our ‘self’ nature takes over early in life and blinds us to its presence. “The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is sound, your entire body will be full of light. But if your eye is unsound, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the very light in you [your conscience] is darkened, how dense is that darkness!” Matthew 6:22-23. We could be up to our eyeballs in ‘self’ and never have a clue how cancerous we are. The cancer of ‘self’ is what God then moves to expose as you walk with Him. He does this with mirrors.

Since we cannot see ourselves, God will use others in our life to show us who we truly are. It takes a while to adjust to the view but once you learn how, it is easy. As Jesus led us through our wilderness He would talk to us often, personally and through His Word. At every step He would point out to us some truth that we needed to learn. For example, let’s say that we have an issue with fear. Since we are blind to the fear in us we could not see it but Jesus could. He would then bring to our attention His words about faith and trusting Him for provision. We would listen but we wouldn’t get it. Then one day we are outside of a store in winter, homeless. A friend comes up and sees us. Immediately she panics, stricken with fear, we see her face contort and gesticulate wildly about how this is a crisis and we need to be indoors right away. Suddenly God is giving us a visual of what fear looks like inside of us and how He sees it. He is exposing our own ‘self’ to us through this visual. At this point we calmed the friend down, let her know we were alright and that God was taking care of us. The mirror of ‘self’ though was clear and we needed to repent of the times we acted the same way before God. Spirit - 1, ‘Self’ – 0.

Of course it took a great deal of humbling and training to get us to accept the view of our ‘self’ nature from others but we sure were glad we learned that. When you can accept that God will expose your ‘self’ nature in many ways, you learn to see the pattern. Every time He does that, and you repent of ‘self’, your spirit grows in strength, maturity and wisdom.

The flipside of seeing our ‘self’ in others was that we were a mirror as well. The problem we saw though was that people did not understand they were looking at a mirror when they saw us. Allow me to elaborate. In our book, Wilderness – How to Marry Jesus in 10 Years or Less, we wrote of a woman named Bertha. Bertha was nice when we first met her but she did not realize what God was putting her into. As she watched us she saw in us evil and dark things. She thought that these things were truly in us but the reality was that she was seeing only a reflection of her ‘self’. The more she looked the more she didn’t like us and eventually she called our whole family insane. It was an unpleasant experience. In this situation God was teaching us about ‘self’ in a different manner. It is in these encounters with others He was exposing what is in the spirit core. “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend [to show rage (anti-spirit) or worthy purpose (spirit)].” Proverbs 27:17.

God showed us how the blindness of ‘self’ can become so great in a person’s life that what they see in others is actually what is in them but they don’t get it. People see themselves in others but are convinced the other person has the problem or issue. The term we use for this is ‘projection’. Projection is a major problem with a lot of believers. When the pride in ‘self’ gets out of control they will end up destroying lives by branding people with issues they themselves are guilty of. Instead of humbling themselves and repenting they will slander, spread rumors, gossip and all sorts hate, thinking that the evil is outside of them and not in them. Very dangerous.

‘Self’ is a tricky and dangerous beast that blinds us to itself. God will work tirelessly to expose ‘self’ in you if you are serious about following Him in faith. As He does so, our reaction to what we see in the mirror of others will tell us if we are growing in spirit or not. The keys we have found to be critical are to stay humble and repent. It is a long dirty battle to root out and kill ‘self’ but it must be done. There can be no quarter given, no mercy shown, to this mortal enemy of our souls that resides within us. Each and every time God holds up a mirror in the form of those around you, I suggest you listen to His voice and learn. You may very well find more of your ’self’ than you care to see. However, if you persist with patient endurance in this fight against ‘self’, eventually the darkness will clear and spirit will have more strength and power than ‘self’. Then you will see Jesus and others more clearly than you ever have before.